Local Friends
In my own opinion, I was never good at forging new friendships, nor was I good at mingling around in a new environment. Even though my exchange in Italy provided me with some necessary skills in respecting others’ culture and minimalizing faux pas occurances, it still took me about 3 months to have friends. And my version of definition for friends is those you can really rely on and those whom you felt comfortable being with.
Studying overseas is definitely a good thing to to look forward to. However, the cold hard truth hit me after 1 month in Taiwan - I didn’t melt into their culture, yet, I haven’t any local friends whom I can communicate with without barriers and share my own thoughts with his with my imperfect Chinese. So during my first month here I wondered around, seeking friends the ‘random’ way. I joined this group for lunch today, and switched to another for tomorrow. Sometimes I was neglected - they were talking about computer games (which I never played before in my whole life) or, naturally, girls. The feelilng of not being included in the conversation tired me out and finally I changed another strategy.
Those in 5SA1 will remember those times when we threw paper aeroplanes and dropped 1-cent coins into each others’ water tupperwares. Some may define it as fun, me too during those days, but now I understand it’s a way to express your loniness and desire for friendship. I utilized this strategy. I untied people’s shoelaces - some worked in changing impression to a bastard, and some others made me look a complete idiot in front of them ’seniors’ (i’m 17 and they’re like 19 to 20). However, overall, I never did things overboard, i think. It was just some desperate-for-friends guy’s stupid tantrums.
Up to this point I felt a responsibility to state why I don’t seek my other (and a handsome number of) Malaysian students here for companionship. Basically when we gather I feel so at ease - cos we speak the same ’slangish’ language, our certain words means a specific Malaysian this and not a blurry Taiwanese that. When we spoke informal language everybody understands (unlike some of my friends who have to repeat several times before I nodded emptyheaded ‘i think i understand what you meant’). However, ultimately when other international students are busy and you’re left alone, you’re really alone. Empty. And then again, you’re in an environment with a majority of local Taiwanese people, so you must really adapt yourself in or you’ll suffer when you are exposed to the real community later.
You see, even though Taiwanese still speaks Chinese and eats rice, their culture is still largely different from us. I didn’t anticipate any cultural shock when I came here because I didn’t anticipate it to be such a huge cultural difference. Consequently, when the truth hits, I was barely able to grasp on to my own roots and adapt to the change.
Being a foreign student have a few drawbacks - you can’t participate actively in a group debate (or sometimes, discussion), cos your language command is still quite behind and it would still be pointless if you stood up and said something because they won’t understand you and you won’t understand what you’re speaking either. When a large group of friends gather, chances are you’ll be neglected in the group gossip. Even though you know what they’re talking about, you just don’t have enough substance and material to join in. And speaking out just makes you feel stupid, cos after you spoke there’ll be a moment of silence, and the topic will turn to another course, 180 degrees out of the way.
That was why during such times I will miss our discussions back home - a huge group with Zi Yi, Seong Ling and those Big Thumb gang. I always imagine - wait till they listen to our discussion, and I’ll see their blank faces and question-filled minds. Maybe I was just envious and desperate after all.
Fortunately for me, I found companionship in very few friends who are very understanding and are able to tolerate long silences when no topics of discussion passes between us. They allow me to express myself (not as completely as back home, cos I usually don’t use -lah, -mah, - aiyo etc with locals). I’m just glad they listened. It’s not easy being an overseas student. In them i found the courage to do what ordinary friends do - call people up for meals, ask them out for badminton games etc. I thank them everyday, silently, for their friendship.
The other factor that changes things for me would be the mid-terms that was just over. I did reasonably well and thus I became a little reserved (to avoid people trashing you because you’re 1 mark better than them). That shut off my psychotic acts and some friends I thought I’ll never be with again approached me. I dare not say we’ll soon be buddy-buddy-s but I certainly hope and welcome any local companionship.
So now if you ask me ‘would you like to go overseas again?’ I would hesitate and ponder the pros and cons before giving you the answer, instead of answering straightaway ‘yes!’ a few months ago. Being in the environment you’re familiar is such a huge blessing, trust me.
I dedicate this blog to my few local friends (and seniors) who treated me as if I’m their local friend and never neglected me in conversations. At the end of the day I realized that I’m just another lonely guy hating solitude and troubles everyone with phonecalls asking ‘hey, you going for dinner later?’.
Apologies for my long-delayed post. Hopes this filled the gap contentedly enough.
December 6th, 2006 at 8:03 am
Hope u can melt into their culture in future. Anyway, i wonder how those big thumb gang look like? Big Thumb?
December 9th, 2006 at 11:03 pm
I understand your feelings. Sometimes when in a group of people from other background, I try to say a joke, not only they don’t laugh, but they look at me confusingly.