JYSim for jobless-yokel Sim

On 15th of December I was going through a complete emotional torment at 9pm when herds of people left after submitting their answer sheet(s) for our 2nd biology test. The only row of windows in the classroom faced a crowd of 1000 people partying for no appearant reason. The music and whistling is invading every inch of my brain meant for biological terms and different hormone stimulating appetite. While others beside me scribbled rows after rows of Chinese letters interrupted occassionally by simple geometrical drawings showing an operon (??), I was fumbling through weighing the pros and cons of leaving at that very moment or staying for the remaining 30 minutes checking my paper. My mind was so messed up I couldn’t even make a decision. Finally, convincing myself that I could do nothing in such a state of mind, I stood up, folded my answer sheets in half and submitted. Praying fervently while Mr. Sung accepted my paper with less than a glance at me.
I walked back to dorm alone, all the way requesting my brain to brainwash my brain off molecular biology and focus instead on happier things awaiting that weekend. The chilly air invades my jacket as I approach the fakely-decorated dorm (decorated specially for Christmas).
I took a short shower and sat down in front of MSN, and waited. Hour followed hour as I recaptured vivid images of my last year in Italy. My classmates were either busy immersing themselves in computer games (which they stopped for a few weeks for the sake of exams) or doing stuff I don’t know anything about. Even so, I’m in gound-state mood yet, as a few hours before this a senior had already bade me and I’m sincerely touched that someone remembered.
At 11.50 that senior called me up the 3rd floor of the dorm. We found this empty room and he exposed this small piece of cake he bought. I was smiling and laughing away as the lighter failed to ignite after several attempts but my heart was tearing from his sincerity and kindness - I was never treated like that even at home. I thanked him profusely and promised myself to befriend this (useful) senior for my entire life if fate allows.
After the small but ceremonious blow-the-cake ended, he MSNed me and asked me to visit his blog. Below is the exact copy:
To JYSim:

    生日快樂，這是首先要跟你說的。很高興那小小的火焰可以溫暖你的心。我的目的也達到了^^。再來，希望你能在這片土地，找到更多瞭解你內心的人，這樣你對這塊土地才會有所謂的歸屬感，你也才不會感到寂寞。最後，希望你在台灣的這段日子，可以很快樂地找到你的醫學之道，就像我之前說的一樣，這段尋求答案的路程並不會太好走,有太多太多的東西要去體會，用心力和體力去驗證。這段時間會充滿快樂和困苦，有些時候，我可以拉你一把，但更多時候，你要靠自己去度過這些。所以我希望你能找到那永遠不退轉的動力，那可以像引擎一樣不斷推著你前進的一股力量。這股力量，可來自家人朋友師長或伴侶，但最重要的是來自你自己。18歲了耶，讓我想起兩年前的我，也是在大學度過這個生日，那段時間我想了很多的問題，或許你也可以好好思索。
祝你有個愉快的一天以及難忘的18歲年華！
Sincerely yours   Douglas C.

I was tearing after reading the post, twice. The major factor being his Chinese is simple enough and touching enough for me to understand. Before this he is the one I always went to whenever I face problems being together with local friends. As mentioned, superficial minging around may be easy, but it’s so difficult to find someone who can quietly listen to what you have to say and provide advices from the other viewpoint.
Yes, I’m 18 from that very moment. I can no longer find excuses for my occassionally childish behaviour. I can no longer be so moody (getting frequent since I came here). I will have to think about others more and learn to be selfless. I will have to learn to be independent and not needing my senior’s reports whenever the biology experiment teacher throws us another assignment. I will have to have my own set of ideas, my own style, and my own personality. I will have to grow up, soon.
On 16/12 I woke up to a cold, rainy day. I read that post again, and remembered a 靜思語 i picked up a few days ago while shopping for a planner - world peace can be achieved only when one tames their love for a private object and amplifies their love for a greater cause. Yes, I will have to learn to view small matters lighter and learn to shower the ‘greater cause’ with all my dedication and energy. I woke up to a sorta-brand new day.

Thanks to all who sent in tonnes of stuff for me. You guys really rocks (and filled up the post box). I will treasure these cards and they will be in my memoir when I’m 75 (if I ever live that long).

This entry was posted on Monday, December 18th, 2006 at 8:18 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.