JYSim for jobless-yokel Sim

While I was still sulking over the sad incident on 15th December, I didn’t open my friendster mailbox, which I should have, cos Seong Ling sent me a heartwarming mail. Sometimes you just need one sentence to save a person from his / her own deep ravine. On top of that, I would like to say that I’ve been moderately happy to unspeakably happy after my birthday, the first reason being there’s something for me to get busy with, namely our (International Student’s Club) Sister’s School Exhibition. Secondly, I freed myself from burrowing into my own thoughts, aided by advices from various friends. Before that I was very sensitive about certain stuff (related to friends) and I literally depress myself over some small matters. Thanks to my faithful friends at the ISC, who generally provided me with the advice that each and every friend needs to have his own time and that everyone will eventually break off for a moment or two, I was able to recollect myself from my near debris and walk through the last month of 2006.
Another thing, I have to apologise for not updating my blog as frequently as when I was in Malaysia. No solid reasons for this, just that I’m out of inspiration at times. Am I busy? Not really, since I don’t work late into the night or sleep for only 2 hours per day like my classmates do, but I do have regular reports to submit, which is irritating at times.
Anyway, several maybe-not-that-huge incident happened during this span of 2 weeks, listed below as short summaries.
The bone marrow donation incident - on my birthday my friends dragged me to this bone marrow donation campaign held by…who else? Tzu Chi in a small community hall at Hualien City. Not that I can start donating my b one marrow after I’m 18, it’s a coincident that they held it on my 18th birthday, making me the youngest eligible donor. After standing in the rain for nearly an hour, a Tzu Chi volunteer picked us up in his Wish, and drove us there. We were briefed on the procedures of bone marrow donation individually before being asked to fill up a form and yadda-yadda. In my ‘birthdate’ column, I wrote ‘16/12/1988′ only to be rejected by the officer saying ‘this column is for your date of birth, not today’s date’.
Finally on the blood-sampling counter, the (beep) nurse inserted the syringe into my right arm, and before I knew it, she pulled it out and threw the syringe into the dustbin. I was like…what? Is this the procedure? Then she lazily said ‘oh, we’ll try the other side’. This time, she took out a HUGE syringe and poke it straight into my left arm. Withdrawing the pump, no blood came out. She desperately repeat the procedure while shouting her supervisor’s name across the hall. After 3 tormenting minutes, she finally collected 10mL of my blood, and my left arm was blue-black the size of an Oreo cookie.
So now, I thought, they have my bone marrow particulars stored in their database for decades to come. And if a poor 17-year old daughter of the US president is diagnosed with leukimia and needs my bone marrow in the next 70 years, they’ll call me and buy me a first-class plane ticket to fly me in from wherever I am to donate my bone marrow. And all newspapers will publish ‘Malaysian saves Daughter of Mr. (whoever)’ And I’ll be given the title ‘Duke of Seattle’ or whatever.
My fairy tale shattered to pieces one fine day. While I was playing badminton (losing), this nice lady called me up and told me since I’m not a citizen of Taiwan ROC, I cannot donate, as they’ll have difficulties locating where I am if I leave in the future….
The tokens incident - on Christmas eve my friends and I went to this arcade in town and they started gambling on this ‘insert tokens, machine pushes out more tokens’ game. They started getting their returns after buying NT$300 worth of tokens. Nevertheless, finally Lady Luck was with them and they won approx. NT$400 worth of tokens. We were overjoyed.
Yesterday, we went again, promising that we won’t leave until we have a truckload of tokens. However, Lady Luck is away blessing some other more needy guys that day, our tokens went from a full basketful to several pitiful pieces in 30 minutes. I saw the decline, and what lah? I grab some to go play before it’s all lost. Fortunately for me, I still managed to go 3 rounds with the Daytona Car Racing. When I’m back, they had spent all their tokens. Broke. Bankrupt.
We were fortunate we still have our bikes to ride home.
So, on this last day of 2007, let’s sincerely wish that the floods of South M’sia will cease soon, and that the Taiwanese authorities will quickly repair the underground cables so that I can call home, and that Saddam can rest in peace after creating so much havoc.
Happy New Year!

On 15th of December I was going through a complete emotional torment at 9pm when herds of people left after submitting their answer sheet(s) for our 2nd biology test. The only row of windows in the classroom faced a crowd of 1000 people partying for no appearant reason. The music and whistling is invading every inch of my brain meant for biological terms and different hormone stimulating appetite. While others beside me scribbled rows after rows of Chinese letters interrupted occassionally by simple geometrical drawings showing an operon (??), I was fumbling through weighing the pros and cons of leaving at that very moment or staying for the remaining 30 minutes checking my paper. My mind was so messed up I couldn’t even make a decision. Finally, convincing myself that I could do nothing in such a state of mind, I stood up, folded my answer sheets in half and submitted. Praying fervently while Mr. Sung accepted my paper with less than a glance at me.
I walked back to dorm alone, all the way requesting my brain to brainwash my brain off molecular biology and focus instead on happier things awaiting that weekend. The chilly air invades my jacket as I approach the fakely-decorated dorm (decorated specially for Christmas).
I took a short shower and sat down in front of MSN, and waited. Hour followed hour as I recaptured vivid images of my last year in Italy. My classmates were either busy immersing themselves in computer games (which they stopped for a few weeks for the sake of exams) or doing stuff I don’t know anything about. Even so, I’m in gound-state mood yet, as a few hours before this a senior had already bade me and I’m sincerely touched that someone remembered.
At 11.50 that senior called me up the 3rd floor of the dorm. We found this empty room and he exposed this small piece of cake he bought. I was smiling and laughing away as the lighter failed to ignite after several attempts but my heart was tearing from his sincerity and kindness - I was never treated like that even at home. I thanked him profusely and promised myself to befriend this (useful) senior for my entire life if fate allows.
After the small but ceremonious blow-the-cake ended, he MSNed me and asked me to visit his blog. Below is the exact copy:
To JYSim:

    生日快樂，這是首先要跟你說的。很高興那小小的火焰可以溫暖你的心。我的目的也達到了^^。再來，希望你能在這片土地，找到更多瞭解你內心的人，這樣你對這塊土地才會有所謂的歸屬感，你也才不會感到寂寞。最後，希望你在台灣的這段日子，可以很快樂地找到你的醫學之道，就像我之前說的一樣，這段尋求答案的路程並不會太好走,有太多太多的東西要去體會，用心力和體力去驗證。這段時間會充滿快樂和困苦，有些時候，我可以拉你一把，但更多時候，你要靠自己去度過這些。所以我希望你能找到那永遠不退轉的動力，那可以像引擎一樣不斷推著你前進的一股力量。這股力量，可來自家人朋友師長或伴侶，但最重要的是來自你自己。18歲了耶，讓我想起兩年前的我，也是在大學度過這個生日，那段時間我想了很多的問題，或許你也可以好好思索。
祝你有個愉快的一天以及難忘的18歲年華！
Sincerely yours   Douglas C.

I was tearing after reading the post, twice. The major factor being his Chinese is simple enough and touching enough for me to understand. Before this he is the one I always went to whenever I face problems being together with local friends. As mentioned, superficial minging around may be easy, but it’s so difficult to find someone who can quietly listen to what you have to say and provide advices from the other viewpoint.
Yes, I’m 18 from that very moment. I can no longer find excuses for my occassionally childish behaviour. I can no longer be so moody (getting frequent since I came here). I will have to think about others more and learn to be selfless. I will have to learn to be independent and not needing my senior’s reports whenever the biology experiment teacher throws us another assignment. I will have to have my own set of ideas, my own style, and my own personality. I will have to grow up, soon.
On 16/12 I woke up to a cold, rainy day. I read that post again, and remembered a 靜思語 i picked up a few days ago while shopping for a planner - world peace can be achieved only when one tames their love for a private object and amplifies their love for a greater cause. Yes, I will have to learn to view small matters lighter and learn to shower the ‘greater cause’ with all my dedication and energy. I woke up to a sorta-brand new day.

Thanks to all who sent in tonnes of stuff for me. You guys really rocks (and filled up the post box). I will treasure these cards and they will be in my memoir when I’m 75 (if I ever live that long).

8/12/2005 - I was in KL with my 27-kgs baggage waiting with mixed feelings to depart for Italy. At 12.00 noon precisely my family and I went to watch ‘Perhaps Love’. I made my cousin book the earliest movie on that very first day of showing, because if I miss this one I’ll be stranded with no mother-tongue entertainment for the next 2 months to come. At 7 we went to the airport, and at around 10 my exchange friends and I walked along the wide terminal and board KL 810 in its final call. The person sitting beside me (i got a window seat) was combating with me to bid goodbye to KL. At that very precise moment I was missing Soon Khen and Jieyang and CLHS-after-the-SPM. Anyway, I held still some anticipation, looking forward to my exchange. I’m sorry I forgot to text Yu Min to wish her happy birthday.
9/12/2005 - I was in a rainy Rome, and we Malaysian exchange students were torn into 3 groups according to our respective departure times to our host towns. I boarded Alitalia and flew up north to greet a freezing Torino and my host coordinator. When I met my host parents I was quite excited, but I think I have more fatigue in me. At the evening we went to some church party where they serve really great spaghetti and lots of pannetonne (Italian Christmas cake). I rejected a party invitation my host sister offered me, as I was so tired to the bone I could barely keep my eyes open upon stepping into my home. I met my to-be classmate Luca.
10/12/2005 - Sunday. I spent most of my time unpacking and soliciting with my host family about my needs - a SIM card and an international calling card. They made plans for getting me my transportation pass (for bus rides) and school matters. I was not left home alone, they went to church in shifts. That was a sunny day.
11/12/2005 - I skipped school, because my host Mum have to register me as an alien at the local police station, and the opening hours is like from 10 to 12 only. Later we got the transportation pass and head home for a huge lunch. Winter really makes you hungry. I finished half of my dark chocolate high energy bar that day.
12/12/2005 - My first day at school. Everything from the textbooks to the classrooms were so exciting to me I was shivering with amazement on the way home. I was placed in this later-I-learnt-to-be-special 4C, with 16 girls and 3 boys excluding me. My Mum got me my SIM card. The number, as I can vaguely remember, was +393485755357. Vodafone. Currently that’s the number for my younger sister.
15/12/2005 - Unbeknownst to me, my host family knew the following day was my birthday and they made sorta a pizza-and-pie thingy for me, with a candle from my Mum’s friend. I was really touched and I can’t express my gratitude in fluent Italian, just mere ‘grazie!! grazie tutto!!’.
15/12/2006 - I will attend a quite-foolish Western Music lesson at 10am in the morning, following a lunch with my friend in the school canteen probably. Later at 3.30 I will attend another always-interesting ‘Disease and Social Injustice’. After that we’ll go for dinner while lambasting ourselves for not making enough time to study. At 6.30 we’ll go into an unknown classroom for our second Biology Test this term - molecular biology and introductory zoology. I will go through another tormenting session of squashing my brain only to find I forgot to read that part concerning transposons and I messed up Operons with Insertion Sequences, stratified with striated etc etc. At 9.30 I’ll probably accompany my friends for supper (which will cause much moolah by then), or return to my bedroom for a movie (if I’m watching a movie that means I did very badly and doesn’t want the company of others).
16/12/2005 - I attended school as usual, nobody knew today was special cos I was the new student and they never asked anyway. I went back home to be greeted my Claire’s phonecall. I was touched. I think I received a t-shirt from my host family. At the same time, Ms. Lon Eng’s birthday card should have arrived, but it didn’t. So I guess she must have messed up the address and it landed in Iceland instead of Italy. Anyway, it got bounced ultimately and she received the card 2 months after I’m back (April).
16/12/2006 - I will be officially 18, still the youngest in my class in terms of birthdate, but ordinary in terms of age. My classmates will wish I grow up and mature soon, or else they’ll have to tolerate a few more unbearable years of fake-wailing and shoelace-pulling (i stopped that already). I don’t want to make this a fuss. I will call home, and maybe I’ll sleep a lot today. At 19.30 we’ll go watch a NT$300 violin concert. And if I got my new iTalk by then I’ll call my host family, maybe.
Without us noticing 2006 will be history soon. Whether this year brought forth joy, sorrows, luck or unfortunate events, this is the one official year we CLHS people parted each other and pursue our own destinies. Thinking back, I haven’t seen some friends for one year now. I look forward to seeing their already-forgotten faces soon, and I do hope even after 30 years leaving school, we will still hold our same passions, perseverence, and dignity about things we cherish and felt right upholding. As we wave goodbye to 2006, let’s pray for a better 2007 and that Jun Yi will pass his coming biology test.

In my own opinion, I was never good at forging new friendships, nor was I good at mingling around in a new environment. Even though my exchange in Italy provided me with some necessary skills in respecting others’ culture and minimalizing faux pas occurances, it still took me about 3 months to have friends. And my version of definition for friends is those you can really rely on and those whom you felt comfortable being with.
Studying overseas is definitely a good thing to to look forward to. However, the cold hard truth hit me after 1 month in Taiwan - I didn’t melt into their culture, yet, I haven’t any local friends whom I can communicate with without barriers and share my own thoughts with his with my imperfect Chinese. So during my first month here I wondered around, seeking friends the ‘random’ way. I joined this group for lunch today, and switched to another for tomorrow. Sometimes I was neglected - they were talking about computer games (which I never played before in my whole life) or, naturally, girls. The feelilng of not being included in the conversation tired me out and finally I changed another strategy.
Those in 5SA1 will remember those times when we threw paper aeroplanes and dropped 1-cent coins into each others’ water tupperwares. Some may define it as fun, me too during those days, but now I understand it’s a way to express your loniness and desire for friendship. I utilized this strategy. I untied people’s shoelaces - some worked in changing impression to a bastard, and some others made me look a complete idiot in front of them ’seniors’ (i’m 17 and they’re like 19 to 20). However, overall, I never did things overboard, i think. It was just some desperate-for-friends guy’s stupid tantrums.
Up to this point I felt a responsibility to state why I don’t seek my other (and a handsome number of) Malaysian students here for companionship. Basically when we gather I feel so at ease - cos we speak the same ’slangish’ language, our certain words means a specific Malaysian this and not a blurry Taiwanese that. When we spoke informal language everybody understands (unlike some of my friends who have to repeat several times before I nodded emptyheaded ‘i think i understand what you meant’). However, ultimately when other international students are busy and you’re left alone, you’re really alone. Empty. And then again, you’re in an environment with a majority of local Taiwanese people, so you must really adapt yourself in or you’ll suffer when you are exposed to the real community later.
You see, even though Taiwanese still speaks Chinese and eats rice, their culture is still largely different from us. I didn’t anticipate any cultural shock when I came here because I didn’t anticipate it to be such a huge cultural difference. Consequently, when the truth hits, I was barely able to grasp on to my own roots and adapt to the change.
Being a foreign student have a few drawbacks - you can’t participate actively in a group debate (or sometimes, discussion), cos your language command is still quite behind and it would still be pointless if you stood up and said something because they won’t understand you and you won’t understand what you’re speaking either. When a large group of friends gather, chances are you’ll be neglected in the group gossip. Even though you know what they’re talking about, you just don’t have enough substance and material to join in. And speaking out just makes you feel stupid, cos after you spoke there’ll be a moment of silence, and the topic will turn to another course, 180 degrees out of the way.
That was why during such times I will miss our discussions back home - a huge group with Zi Yi, Seong Ling and those Big Thumb gang. I always imagine - wait till they listen to our discussion, and I’ll see their blank faces and question-filled minds. Maybe I was just envious and desperate after all.
Fortunately for me, I found companionship in very few friends who are very understanding and are able to tolerate long silences when no topics of discussion passes between us. They allow me to express myself (not as completely as back home, cos I usually don’t use -lah, -mah, - aiyo etc with locals). I’m just glad they listened. It’s not easy being an overseas student. In them i found the courage to do what ordinary friends do - call people up for meals, ask them out for badminton games etc. I thank them everyday, silently, for their friendship.
The other factor that changes things for me would be the mid-terms that was just over. I did reasonably well and thus I became a little reserved (to avoid people trashing you because you’re 1 mark better than them). That shut off my psychotic acts and some friends I thought I’ll never be with again approached me. I dare not say we’ll soon be buddy-buddy-s but I certainly hope and welcome any local companionship.
So now if you ask me ‘would you like to go overseas again?’ I would hesitate and ponder the pros and cons before giving you the answer, instead of answering straightaway ‘yes!’ a few months ago. Being in the environment you’re familiar is such a huge blessing, trust me.
I dedicate this blog to my few local friends (and seniors) who treated me as if I’m their local friend and never neglected me in conversations. At the end of the day I realized that I’m just another lonely guy hating solitude and troubles everyone with phonecalls asking ‘hey, you going for dinner later?’.
Apologies for my long-delayed post. Hopes this filled the gap contentedly enough.