JYSim for jobless-yokel Sim

While I seriously doubt whether I will find myself a decent wife and spend the rest of my life raising a family, I came to notice I had had a lot of women companionship already, just that they’re all not in the same age group as me.
Mdm. Chan Choi Chun, my babysitter for 15 years, mother of 4 daughters, and wife of a ex-Ching Dynasty Official, taught me Cantonese well before I can speak Hokkien, my native ‘loghat’. She’ll pick me up from Methodist Kindergarten (beside the KFC Mansion along Jalan Burmah) everyday without fail, talk to my teacher (when I was 3 I was very obedient and polite, i swear that’s true) and then we’ll pick a hibiscus along the fence of the school. After that, depending on my mood, we’ll trot into Penang Plaza for a herbal egg (sold by Hai-O back then) or chocolates in Cold Storage. When I was in Primary School she offered Mum to use her address for registration (so that I can get into the very-prestigious Union Institution located just a stone’s throw away). Being in the afternoon session means having mornings free, and I’ll watch ‘Kindered Spirit’ with her, without understanding the plot and story at all. Occasionally her youngest daughter, a MAS stewardess will come home for a short holiday and we’ll ‘invade’ the TV for Nintendo Games (Mario usually). Mum and Dad rarely let me stay over at her place because everytime after I did I’d come home and feel sad about not being able to join in the fun her daughters are planning or eating at her place. As far as I remember, whenever I’m with my babysitter, I’m happy, and that’s a huge blessing for a little boy back then who had to go to the hospital for heart and teeth check-ups every now and then.
Mdm. Claire Sham, eldest daughter of Mdm. Chan, mother of 2 sons, pharmaceutical sales rep. turned lawyer. My first memory of my childhood is sitting at the back of her car staring out at Penang Bridge with my babysitter beside me. When we pass through speed limit signboards, she’d point and pronounce clearly ‘eighty kilometers per hour’. She bought me a boomerang, which I still kept in my room. My first time in McDonalds was with her, and I’d always get the Happy Meal toys, though I dumped some as soon as I go home (and that infuriated her, sometimes). My first hand written letter in English was to her, and she patiently corrected each and every mistake before sending it back to me. And of course, she started the tradition of giving Christmas presents (which I suspected the main benefactor is me) that last until this very day. It was, and is always ok to call her up at her office and chat for 30 minutes straight. Eventually her office operator knew she had a godson and will give me first priority whenever multiple calls arrive.
Mdm. Felena Sham, 3rd daughter of Mdm. Chan, mother of 2 sons, frieght officer. She bought me my first English storybook (and back then you had that Ladybird Children read-according-to-your age-group books which made you feel really satisfied when you’re reading a book 4 years your advance). And once while playing Monopoly she suddenly had a mood-change and decided not to continue anymore. I refused because I was winning, and she kept the set up on the attic when I went to the bathroom. The next day, I sneaked up to retrive the Monopoly set, and find myself unable to climb down. I stayed up there for the remaining day until my babysitter’s husband found the rusty ladder and carried me down.
Mrs. Kuan, English tutor for 5 years, good confidante and personal counsellor (through the phone). A large fraction of my English today is hers (the good ones only though), and I really regretted not keeping my essay books for all these years. I always find writting her essays a challenging and rewarding job, though sometimes I did things last minute and managed with just an ugly scrawl. She was there with me when I rejected ASEAN, and then JPA. A rough estimation of my essays count up to 500 for these 5 years, and she never failed to mark each and every one of them every week.
Mdm. Nicoletta Bottasso, mother of 3 children, 100% housewife. Before meeting my host Mum I thought being a housewife must be a dreadfully boring job and it’s never for Jun Yi the challenge-lover. However, she showed through words and actions, that the career as a housewife demands more than that of any professionals. From preparing food on-time to sending off your children to school, karate lessons and keeping the snow out of the balcony while doing the laundry, all a housewife’s work demands more dedication, care, and professionalism than any other career. You gotta know whether Dad likes his clothes with fabric softeners or not, whether your daughter likes roasted beef with onions or lamb chop more, and make sure Mum and Dad are well taken care of. Enough of that, during Christmas, aside doing the Christmas shopping and wrapping the gifts, there are food to prepare, and the invitations for family members, close friends and neighbours. Then you gotta do a statistic and see whether they like pannetone more or pandoro (both being Christmas cakes, with the latter raisin-free). The next thing you know your daughter ran into the house boasting about her newly-obtained driving licence, and you have to drop everything and ‘counsel’ her about driving on Italian roads. She changed my views of being a housewife, and if my wife insist, I’d gladly become a househusband one day.
Please accept my apologies if you’re not listed above. Jun Yi is very forgetful because of his old age and let’s just assume you’re too good to be included in this category, you deserve your own blog. My salutation and many thanks to the women above, and hope they’ll live as long as God permits so that…life can continue to be interesting.
…and they say men who admire too much women tend to be gay.

Been forced to read up on PA lately, and I’ve found Malaysian politicians are very aspiring writers in general. I find bombastic words, inspirational sentences and policies promising tomorrow will be a better day. Yet, after 30+ years of policy-making and almost 50 years of nationhood, do we live in a ‘Malaysia yang saintifik, progresif dan maju’?
No offence to our 2 most respected politicians, but here’s Dasar Wawasan Negara (2001-2010) on the textbook. Italics being the thoughts of the writer.

Dasar Wawasan Negara
Strategi-strategi utama DWN ialah:
- pembasmian kemiskinan tanpa mengira kaum (and why is Mr. Tan Ying Jing still oh-so-pitifully poor?)
- penyusunan semula masyarakat
- pembangunan yang seimbang
Teras-teras kritikal DWN adalah seperti berikut:
1. Membina bangsa yang berdaya tahan dengan memupuk semangat perpaduan, menyemarakkan semagnat patriotik, membentuk kematangan politik (as in a Sabahan minister cursing Karpal Singh and our Higher Education Minister blindly defending the Ethics Relations textbook? Or as in Mr. Sami Veloo crashing another bridge?), membina masyarakat supaya lebih teratur dan penyayang (as in the lorry and bus driver who knocked and ran over my ex-schoolmate? and nobody offering help after that?) yang tersemat dengan nilai-nilai positif…
2. menggalakkan pewujudan masyarakat yang saksama melalui pembasmian kemiskinan dan pengurangan ketidakseimbangan di kalangan dan di dalam kumpulan etnik serta wilayah (and that’s why scholarships won’t be merit-based, not yet, and as if that’s very ’saksama’).
3. (omitted)
4. mempertingkatkan daya saing negara untuk menghadapi cabaran-cabaran globalisasi dan liberalisasi (how nice it sounds in our written essays, but I do not see any improvement in competitiveness except in parlimentary debate sessions).
5. membangunkan ekonomi berasaskan pengetahuan sebagai satu langkah strategik untuk meningkatkan nilai ditambah dan mengoptimumkan daya pemikiran rakyat (appearantly bomohs are considered a ‘pekerjaan berasaskan pengetahuan’, they’ll get their offices and clinics soon in hospitals).
6. mengukuhkan pembangunan sumber manusia untuk menghasilkan tenaga kerja yang mahir, produktif dan berpengetahuan (even if we have the best workforce in the world, the frequent (and sometimes misleading) ’sistem down’ in our immigration offices, LHDN, post office, Astro customer center and Maybank will still slow us down).
7. meneruskan pembangunan alam sekitar yang mapan (recently they tried to chop down out precious Belum-Temenggor Forest Reserve, we signed a consignment, we sent it to UNESCO, UNESCO responded, the Prime Minister agreed to keep it, and 5 days later you see huge logs in The Star, readily processed and sent to US by MASKargo).

While we undeniably are among the top in technological civility and digital literacy, our mentality is still, sadly, uncivilised. From the English Mr. Lim Seng Huat speaks to how our Ministers act in public and appaling PowerRoot advertisements on TV, we still have much to catch up in order to achieve Vision 2020. No doubt it is a responsibility to preserve our heritage i.e. wrapping Bah Chang, speak Hokkien and cook Chay Koay Teow using the traditional charcoal fire, keeping the boasting attitude (as in a Mr. Loh in my class), being superstitious, and treat a grand public function (as in the Nobel Laureate talk) like some low-class ah-pek’s wedding is not going to contribute towards a first-class mentality as mentioned in 9MP.
I put the blame on our ministers. Being the frontliner of the country, they should act and speak with discipline, principles, and bearing their image in minds. Joking is still a common act in Parliment, much to our agony, and very often ministers spend days after days discussing unimportant matters i.e. London Sports Complex, Siti Nurhaliza’s wedding etc. Some of our ministers are pak turuts sadly i.e. when Mahathir says ‘build the Johor-Singapore crooked bridge,’ they shout ‘yes, go ahead!’. Several months later, when Abdullah cancled the project and Mahathir verbally lambasted him, instead of supporting Matathir (as they did), they said they’ll back Abdullah and they trust the government is doing the right thing and the country is poor and it is not suitable to build the bridge etc etc etc.
While Vision 2020 is still within our grasp, if we bend the conditions a little, it’s vital to start a mentality revolution now. The first step will be to widen our viewpoints and plan ahead, and replacing our rotten ministers as soon as possible. Next would be to create a truly, genuinely fair and merit-based society, with no credit given to those with Dato’ supports, racial identity and family background.

Some unshared stories…

The Other Italian Family
When my exchange come to an end on early February, all Malaysian students are gathered in Hotel Princess in Rome. As we were sharing about our experiences for the past 2 months, this girl Myra approached me with a very-tired look and asked me how was my past 2 months. I told her it was ok, and it could be better of course, if i went to other places. She instinctively asked me whether my host family was loud, and before I can answer, she blurted ‘they’re loud, so loud.’ Coincidentally, Eeshwer (whose baggage was overweight, like everyone of us, but hers was actually rejected for check-in on our outbound flight) was passing by and she spoke with her typical Punjabi slang ‘hey Sim, do you know you were actually going to Myra’s host family?’
‘What? Why? How?’
‘One day both of us were shopping and I went home with Myra. Her host Mum actually asked me if I knew this guy name Sim Jun Yi. I said ya, and she threw the student application and there was this Sim Jun Yi’s photo staring at me.’
‘But Myra, why they didn’t want to host me?’
‘Well, they think hosting a girl was easier than a boy.’
‘This is sexual discrimination!!!’
‘You can talk to my host Mum about that. Appearantly she thinks all guys are bad, excpet my host Dad of course,’

The Donated Autographed Miss-Malaysia Book
Some days during March 2006 I woke up naturally (as in without alarm clocks, no Dad banging the door and no people hammering window frames next door. Waking up naturally is such a luxury nowadays). Instinctively I turned on RedFM, a channel I never listened. Miraculously this Yvonne Lee is doing some promotion for her book entitled ‘The Sky is Crazy’. Whoever calls in and speaks to this Miss Malaysia-cum-formal air stewardess will win her new book with her oh-so-attractive autograph. Now I’d have to confess that I already own the book, unautographed. And it was damn good.
‘Hello?’
‘Good morning. I’m Sim from Penang.’
‘Hi Sim! Simon, you realise how sexy his voice is?’ (I apologise if this sounds boastful, I did not lie, she did say that)
‘So, anyting to say to Yvonne?’
‘Well, I personally think the book is very good. The humour and selection of words is very Malaysian, and it actually exposes to us how this seemingly glamorous job is. I was like stunned when I came back from Italy one month ago and found this book lying on the bookshelf in Popular. It was ‘hey, another Malaysian writer!’ And frankly, Lydia’s book (another Malaysian writer) is not as good!’
‘Yeah, people seem to think that this job is easy and air stewardesses make tonnes of money. Actually it is not. And nowadays there are a lot of ah peks out there who thinks they’re in First Class but they actually got the economy ticket free from some competition. They’ll go ‘hey, kopi satu!’ and you feel really like in the kopitiam serving kopi-o.’
‘I like the book a lot because of its humour. And the book is organised in such a way you cover every aspect of flying.’
‘It seem to me you’ve already read Yvonne’s book? Sim?’
‘Yeah, I bought it some days ago. And I finished it one-shot.’
‘Well, since it’s such a good book do you mind donating it to other people?’
At this point I was still half-asleep and I thought ‘donating the book’ as in RedFM send this book over and I’ll give it to whoever I like.
"As you’ve mentioned this is such a good book. So I think I’ll donate it.’
‘Well then, we’ll keep the book for the next caller. Thank you and bye!’
‘…’

The Abandoned Christmas Presents
I got a pair of slippers, a long-sleeve shirt and a glass orb for Christmas in Italy. While the slippers proved useful for the remaining 1.5 months there, the glass orb is just suitable for burning off an extra 10 seconds everyday during my sometimes-boring days in Italy. Appearantly I came with an overweight baggage, and I was worried they’ll charge me when I return. Though I hardworkingly gave away a lot of gifts (including an extra unintended 2 books and some Malaysian bank notes), the baggage is still 30kgs. And I haven’t include the 5 kg glass orb and my slippers and my jackets and my chocolates and my other books. On my flight from Torino to Rome, I suffered aching fingers for several hours. Worst, they don’t have aerobridge to the airplane, and I clutched on my things with 3 fingers while the other 2 I used for attaching myself to the sardine-bus handlebar. I then knew I must discard some of my possessions so that I won’t die during my 5-hour hangover in Amsterdam.
Upon reaching Rome, I met my friends and we chatted a long while. I retrived my baggage and seperated my ‘essentials’ and ‘non-essentials’. Making sure I discard as little as possible, I silently put my ‘non-essentials’, which comprises the glass orb and the slippers, as far from me as possible.
Several minutes later our AFS volunteer gathered us and we were walked to the bus waiting some distance away. Making sure I’m the last to leave, I doubly check if there are any security cameras around (least they should think I’m a terrorist leaving behind some bomb in a package), I dumped them and quickly, stumbly bounced out of the airport.
When I told Mum this she sweared ‘what? People spent money on your Christmas presents and you just dumped them?’
Well, I regretted everyday for dumping these things, but that’s what I have to do if I have 3 flights to catch over the next 15 hours and no sleep at all. I vow I’d go back and look for my things when I’m rich enough to fly.

It took me a while to accept and face the reality that my relationships with some friends of mine are fading and very soon we wouldn’t be able to catagorize ourselves in ‘friends’ anymore. It’s interesting to note that all friends I categorise as in ‘best buddies’ will eventually disappear or lose contact, but ‘acquaintances’ will remain in contact for a long-long time. Take the following as examples:
Std. 1 to Std. 3 - Even though not as intimate as in high school, Ren Zhi, Tze Ern (as in the guy in CLHS called Adrian) and me always came to school early to participate in some unofficial games we designed for each other. We shared a childish friendship whereby we’ll go to the canteen together, line up together, copy each others’ work, and make Pei Lin (or her maid, God knows) made us her very adorable stuff toy (which I still have in possession, which will appear on top of the Christmas tree without fail every year). Once I was down with dengue and I missed out a lot of school work (typical if you’re away for 2 weeks, and your school is, by then, the self-proclaimed elite primary school in Penang). Ren Zhi kept all my work for me (and even help me did some). Then comes our downfall - In Std. 3, Ren Zhi was offered a ’skipping’ opportunity under the PTS system, and a year after that we were streamed. Tze Ern, though smarter than me later in life, got into the second class, and we never talked to each other after that. I did met Ren Zhi on a few occasion in CLHS several years later, but I wasn’t sure if he still knew me, and I just gave my that-very-typical nod. I did not see him ever again.
Std. 4 to Std. 6 - Chen Yi, Zi Xiang and several others we backbenches share a same passion - disliking our form teacher. We call it dislike and not hate, as we still go to gatherings, carry her books to her seat, and did her homework just to entertain her. And I guess you’ll soon forge some really good friendship if you pretend to mark your answers on the oh-so-blank BM workbook, together, and cheat in exams, together, and imitate each others’ autographing styles, together. Even though we’re constantly pressured to ‘rocket towards your 7As in UPSR’, we published our very own class newspaper (with some external help, of course), featuring the then very arguable crash of Singapore Airlines SQ006 in Taipei. Downfall - eventually everyone of us got into sec. school, and for no appearant reason since then, gatherings are very gender sensitive. Aside some cool guys who approach the girls, we geeks are always jamming the PlayStation and watching ghost movies. When we talk about teachers we’ll routinely praise them (and not curse and insult anymore), and everyone doubly made sure we’re marking answered workbooks.
Form 5 - You don’t really forge good friendship in specific when you’re constantly streamed every year, but Form 5 proved different from other years. Soon Khen, who appeared to be the typical Chinese-guy, Jieyang, who in contrast, appeared to be the English-guy, and me, who…don’t qualify for either one, shared the same interest in Harry Potter, and eventually, some musicals, and soon movies, relationships and studies. We creatively constructed smashing sentences for English, talked rather than studied in the library, and counseled each other during the depressing SPM era. There were countless times chatting together in MSN, and I stupidly gave away my hotmail password for Jieyang to read an online purchase confirmation. Sadly, it lasted for a brief but meaningful 0.5 year. Upon my return from Italy, I noticed drastic changes in Soon Khen, and Jieyang seemed distant (no offence to both). We no longer chat together in MSN, and replying each others’ e-mails are no longer regular. It’s sad to admit this, but sometimes it feels a drag to reply our e-mails, and we no longer share the same frequency on MSN. There’s a sad barrier between us, and though we can still sit together and talk, with tremendous effort arranging each others’ timetables and moods, it wasn’t like last year anyhow. After a meaningful meeting with Kee Wai a few days back I finally manage to find a reasonable explanation for our distance - our social circle deviates, and thus our attitudes changed. Still I felt sad when we could have the chance to sit together and talk but one among us won’t appreciate the opportunity, or felt the money for the drinks should be saved for whatever reasons, won’t turn up and meeting’s dismissed.
Friends come with expectations and some effort maintaining the friendship. Though when you find maintaining the friendship a burden, it’s better that you quit it, but simple maintainence such as greeting each other on MSN or arranging some time for a movie is, in harsher tones, an obligation. If your instincts felt neutral about the gathering, don’t let your friend down by rejecting while producing some lame reasons. Of course when your instincts say ‘no’ (i can tell that rarely happens), you have the right to reject. Friends are hard to come by and appreciate it when you have it.
You can say I really envy those who have lots of friends from their co-cu society (as I know St. John ppl do). But still everyone defines ‘friend’ differently. In one or two years’ time we’ll leave each other, and God knows we can still see each other again, and again God knows what’d become of whoever when we meet him/her 20 years later. Of course in the course of life we’d made loads of new friends, but still it wouldn’t be tough to maintain old friendships and share our pasts together.
Tutti insieme, per sempre - together, forever.

Entries arranged from the most ‘reactious’ to the least.
‘…’ indicates edited excerps.
Former Biology-cum-form teacher Ms. Tan Hsiu Hua: WHAT!? WHAT!? Oh, grab me a chair, quickly! WHAT!? I wanna strangle you! Don’t you dare run away!!! I can’t believe it, you nasty…Come back here!
5-year English tuition teacher Mrs. Kuan: Are you kidding? Taiwan as in…the small island on the east of People’s Republic of China? But why? … Well, frankly, nowadays JPA are offering cheap deals. A twinning program for 10 years, not really worth it considering you’re a *beep* student (censored due to diplomatic reasons). Well, since you’ve already made your decision I think you’re being very brave. And I support your choice. Be different from others, I challenge you.
Former biology teacher Ms. Elizabeth Aw: Jun Yi, we need to talk. Sit down here. Want something to drink? Earl Grey? Now what it’s that I hear from them, dropping JPA? You outta your mind?
Form 1 & 2 BM teacher Ms. Hong Lay See: Well, Taiwan is ok to me, from my last visit there, but you sure it’s a good place to study? Better than your JPA deal? … Well, good for both of us then. the next time I’m visiting Taiwan, which I hope to in the future, I’ll contact you…heh!
Grandma’s neighbour Miss-Whoever: Tell your grandson, this is crazy! It’s not even recognised. Ah Ma, recognition for a medical degree is very important. But I guess if your daughter can afford him she should have no problem sending him elsewhere. Malaysia is not a good place to stay in, but I’m worried for you Ah Ma. 10 years later you’ll be left alone while your grandson and granddaughters are everywhere but here. Nobody will sweep your grave for you…
A selection of male friends: I’m not gonna talk to Jun Yi anymore…don’t ask me about him, I know nothing about him. Go away.
A selection of female friends: If you don’t want, give it to me mar… You know how many people out there struggling for one? Traitor traitor…
Dad’s student Mrs. Khor: Taiwan is not safe. With the stupid president they are in for strikes every 2 days, then we have earthquakes, typhoons, volcano eruption, plane crash (as in SQ006 in year 2000) etc. India not good meh? Mr. Sim, you’ll need to think twice.
Zi Yi’s Mum Mdm. Tan: I was jokingly telling my husband how good it will be if your place is offered to another Chinese. (Damn it, this is so…powerful)
My cousin Lim Jiin Wei: Yahoo!!! You’ll miss my sister’s wedding ceremony. No ang pau!!!
My host sister Stefania Gallo: Taiwan should be a very nice place. I hope to visit there someday. (I’d suggest you start with Malaysia)
Acquintance Mr. Leow Khai: Choose what’s best for you and stay put on it. Don’t mind other people’s comments because the choice is yours and they don’t share your outcome.
Jieyang’s brother Mr. Chong Jiehan: Nowadays we have really weird people around. Just because they got good results they EXPECT to get a scholarship. And if they don’t they’ll fight as if they’re losing their job or wives or husbands.
Primary school friend Mr. Goh Seong Ling: So, nobody lambasted you yet?
Mum’s colleague Mdm-Whoever: Well, my daughter got JPA to go to Aussie. Her deal is good so I won’t say anything, but I agree that 10 years is very long. Still, they become doctors at the end right? At the end of the day they’ll all wear white robes, drink double-thick cappucino and have eye-bags all the time.
Dad’s former art teacher Mr. Tan Chiang Kong: I think TCU is a good place to study, compared to India. And the environment in Taiwan will reduce the amount of culture shock your son would endure. And who cares if he comes back to Malaysia at the end? Life’s so short, we ought to go out of our own shell and explore the world.

Felt like cuddling someone now.
L’Italia vincerai!!!

Below is something I’ll submit for our CLHS ‘The Waves’ Grad Mag soon. Just thought I’ll put in on to fulfill my weekly obligation of updating my blog. If you find this too long, just skip everything and (censored) off. Disclaimer: I never said this article will certainly be published at the end of 2007. The verdict lies on our very respected Seong Ling and his group of editors.

My Italian Job with AFS-Antarabudaya Malaysia

  The
great lapse of 6 months between completion of your SPM and starting of Form 6
can be hazardous if you don’t have anything planned. Forget plans if you’re
thinking of colleges for challenge-phobic freaks (not that college is
challenge-free). With nothing planned you’re prone to:

- brain rusting

- accumulation of body fats

- disintegration of hand muscles so bad you might
not be able to write your name when you’re back in school

 While
going on exchange might not have anything to do with preventing you from the
above symptoms, it is a good getaway from the 5 years of laborious studying and
unarguably the best chance to learn a new culture and language.

 I’m
the luckiest guy on Earth considering after a not-too-long argument with Mum
and Dad, they finally allow and manage to pay for my exchange to Italy.
Initially Mum and Dad think I should spend the 6 months to ‘gather information
about tertiary education’ (and trust me, you’ll need only 3 nights for that),
but ultimately I persisted and there you have it, this
maybe-not-very-interesting article about my 2-months in Italy.

A Series of Traveling

 Thinking
back, it’s a bad idea for you to work like a cow now and travel ‘when you have
the time and money’. My example for instance, on our inbound journey we took
the midnight flight onboard KLM to Amsterdam, Netherlands, arrive at dawn, and before we saw
daylight we departed for Rome.
Total traveling time was 17 hours and not a wink all the while. Seat pitch was
terrible and we were always oh-so-lucky to get adorable infants onboard.

 We
spent a night in Rome,
within the boundaries of the hotel all the time, and missed our dinner due to
sheer fatigue. Jet-lag is dripping in but sleeping in the 10 degree Centigrade
hotel is always pleasant with a comfy blanket (and feather pillows).

 The
next day I took the Turin-bound flight up north to my host town. Though
traveling time was only 1 hour 25 minutes, the whole process from check-in to
retrieving your overweight baggage in the malfunctioned air-conditioner arrival
hall took the whole day. The fact that the sun sets much earlier in winter
didn’t help for jetlag either. Worse, Cuneo,
my host town, is still 3 hours away by car. 

Living the Italian Life

 Italians
are, or rather, Europeans are, by nature, a laidback group who enjoys a simple
life and a wide assortment of cheeses and wine, especially so for rural folks.
The winter catalysed their slackness – shops closed at 3.30 in the afternoon,
post offices operates from 10 to 1 daily, and clinic consultations are by
appointment only.

 The
biggest cultural shock would be the sense of fashion for me. Even though your
classmates always say ‘anything goes’, you should never under-dress for any
occasion. In fact, overdressing is relatively common, if you have the money for
furry coats and Versace ties of course. While my German-made windbreaker is
enough to conquer the cold, the colours are as un-Italian as knives are to
Chinese cuisine. What you should wear typically consists of a main colour
(usually your windbreaker or your jacket) and some other set off colours
(jeans, cap, scarves etc). For example, a typical Italian dude will have a light
blue-yellow windbreaker, a grey (or apple-green) jacket perhaps, the typical
indigo-shade jeans and the black Torino 2006 Winter Olympic Games scarf.
Conversely, my style goes like this – the dark blue-black windbreaker, the
black-chocolate pullover, the dark-blue jeans and the dark red-grey-white
scarf. Naturally, I stand out more though what I wear didn’t.

 Don’t
despair if you feel lonely and foreign in Italy. Bump into some boutique,
pizzeria, bookstore or cafferia and you’ll be greeted warmly. Greetings come as
natural to Italians as we swear while driving. Similarly, you should at least
be armed with some basic greetings before stepping into your host family’s
house. The basic ‘bongiorno’ (good day) may act as a sincere greeting as well
as an attention-catcher in busy shops or cafferia. ‘Ciao’ sounds much more
natural a greeting compared to ‘Salam sejahtera’ while ‘grazie’ is 2 times
shorter than ‘terima kasih’ and ‘thank you’, and easily rolled out of the
tongue, too.

 Partying
is relatively common in the Italian culture, and Italians take pride in how
they magnify each celebration to make it sound as though it’s the last. There’s
always a reason to celebrate, be it your birthday, your last day at school,
last day before the school holidays, or just as usual as a family gathering.
Young Italian parties can never exclude music (very often rock) and alcohol.
You’ll know when you’re suppose to stop fuelling the ‘house wine’ when your
friends asks you how’s the ‘kitchen flu’ condition in your country and they
can’t properly insert the SIM card into their mobile phone (telefonini) slot.

 Oh,
and just before you leave the restaurant, please write something in Chinese on
the guestbook. Anything will do…so I go ‘Ai Wu Zhong Ling’. ‘Sim, what is
this?’ ‘Eerm…something in Cinese (Chinese) for ‘ciao’.

School

 Don’t
feel alienated if you’re swearing about our education system and our
very-respected teachers nowadays. Italians share the same passion in
complaining as you do. Whisperingly, they’ll tell you they understand nothing (capito
niente) from the last lesson and they’ll be dead during interrogation tomorrow.
However dead they describe themselves though, they are still able to mumble
something out while furiously flipping the textbook for elaboration. The
typical Italian teacher allows students to bring along their textbook(s) during
interrogation, but extensive use of textbook material and prolonged answer time
will eventually lead to lower grades.

 Due
to their continuous assessments, Italian teenagers find little time for hobbies
and leisure in the weekdays. Afternoons will be spent completing homework (which
exchange students are so-generously exempted), and the evenings will be spent
memorizing Latin or Philosophy (2 most hated subjects in the Italian education
system. And mind you, these subjects, further including History, is
nonnegotiable, finitely compulsory).

 Nevertheless,
school is fun when you have field studies, PE (outdoors in winter) and everyone
works on a project for an international competition (which my classmates
eventually won the first prize, an all-paid trip to Germany for everyone in class).

Food

 From
tiramisu to tortellini, pizzas to pasta, Italians had long ago clustered their
food far from the French’s Le Cordon Bleu with cheaper ingredients, commoner
cooking style, and homelier taste.

 Italian
cuisine is globally tasted and thus I won’t elaborate any longer. However,
below are several misconceptions on Italian cuisine which must be clarified on
behalf of all fellow Italians, least Uncle Sam takes pride in them soon.

Pizza – the Italian pizza has
unbelievably thin crust, thus one can usually down a whole personal pan pizza
as in Pizza Hut measurements. Don’t trust Pizza Hut even if they promise you
super-thin crusts, they can’t be anyhow thinner than the Italians. The usual
thickness for Pizza Hut would be considered ‘foccacia’ (flatbread) in Italian
standards.

Pasta – pasta are usually not
served with ‘a wide range of ingredients’ but only a few carefully selected
ones to match and complement each other’s taste. For example, tomato sauce will
usually go with ground beef or pork (not meatballs, squids, fish, crab etc).

Latte and Caffe – Latte in
Italian strictly means milk. So if you have the time you can sue Nestle for
mislabeling their product (as in the caned coffee named ‘Latte’). Caffe
strictly means coffee (kopi-o), which includes Mocha, Cappuccino etc. Caffe
latte is milk with coffee, literally ‘kopi susu’ for us.

Postscript

 Things
will eventually become boring a few weeks after your arrival. I then learnt the
hard truth that nobody ever said going on an exchange was easy. Intensive exchange programs are designed in
such a way you get the chance to experience several months or years in a
concentrated 2 months. If you’re lucky (depends on how you define it still),
you get a host family who travels a lot and you get to tour the whole Europe. For me, though my Papa and Mama are conservative
people who don’t quite approve on parties, pubs and discos (and needless to say
backpack traveling), I’m very fortunate to have a cool counselor who never
stopped lending a helping hand. My classmates too, are blissful folks who never
mind sharing and perhaps mildly shaped me into what I am today. In those idle 2
months, I read a lot of classics and re-made a lot of relationships broken in
school (via e-mail and MSN). I realized that sometimes help is just a phone
call away, and you can’t actually force people into something he’s not into. I
learnt to accept and respect homosexuality, and my friend managed to convince
his host brother to stop taking drugs (though I have nothing to do with this).

 In
fact I can’t sleep last night because I suddenly realized I missed everyone in Cuneo so much.

 Should
this article got published and you find it boastful, please forgive the humble
writer as his intention is just to share what happened to a missing Jun Yi for
2 months. Nevertheless I still cannot resist recommending exchange programs to
whoever finds it interesting, so try one someday! 

AFS-Antarabudaya Malaysia
has been organizing exchange programs for adolescents, adults, teachers, and
mothers for almost 50 years. Applications are open from March to May each year
and host countries range from icy Finland
to the exotic, mysterious Honduras.
For more information, visit www.afs.org.my.

Malaysia Airlines flies thrice weekly to Rome
Fiumicino Int’l Airport, Italy,
where there are easy connecting flights to Torino,
city of the Winter Olympics 2006. For bookings visit www.malaysiaairlines.com or call
1-300-88-3000.