JYSim for jobless-yokel Sim

7 must read titles, guarenteed a more value-for-money, satisfactory read than MPH’s 100 recommended titles as in www.mph.com.my
All titles arranged not accordingly.
1. Life of Pi (Phi) by Yann Martel, Canongate.
(Winner of the MAN Book Prize 2002): After the tragic sinking of a cargo ship, one solitery lifeboat remains bobbing on the wild, blue Pacific. The only survivors from the wreck are a sixteen-year-old boy named Pi (Phi), as in Piscine Molitor Patel, a hyena, a zebra (with a broken leg, later eaten by the hyena), a female Orang Utan (also eaten)…and a 450-pound Royal Bengal tiger named Richard Parker caught by the hunter Thirsty Unnamed. Incredibly humourous and grounbreaking with a selection of simple words and direct phrases. Even though it might sound untrue (it is in fact a true story), it renews our faith towards life and reassures us things will eventually turn out fine by its own.
2. Three Weeks with My Brother by Nicholas and Micah Sparks, Time Warner Books.
Typical Sparks’ writing which will bring you to tears at one moment and have you laughing at the next. Personally I liked his memoirs better than his romances, and I sincerely admire how he can get the point across with such simple and concise sentences. (To Soon Khen particularly) If you’re thinking of living the American dream, read this, and reconsider. Nevertheless, another reassurance of things will turn out fine by its own.
3. The Terminal Man by Sir Alfred Mehran, Corgi.
Sir Alfred has been living in the departure lounge of Terminal 1 of Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris for 16 years. He arrived at Charles de Gaulle on 8th August 1988 (8.8.88) intending to take a plane to London - amazingly 16 years later he is still there waiting for his flight. Fearing arrest as an illegal immigrant if he left the terminal building, he has spent the last decade and a half waiting ‘for my identity’ while lawyers and government officials argued about his case. Spielberg paid 1 mil. to Sir Alfred, get his signature, and turned his memoir into a light, humourous and worst, untrue, bias film, The Terminal. This book reminds me of how uncomfortable my hangover in Amsterdam for 5 hours can be, and again unveil to us how different people from all over the world can be, even though they speak English (or French), wears Marks and Spencer, and flies British Airways. Everybody has a story to tell, and this is especially true for Sir Alfred.
4. The Pianist by Wladysaw Szpilman, Phoenix
The first film (based on this book) without a single word of French to win the Palme D’or 2002 Cannes Film Festival. Amazingly, Szpilman describes the whole extermination of Jews by Nazis calmly, as if witnessing a play on stage or watching CNN. There was no trace of anger in his words, but I can’t fail to notice how his description tend to shock and stupefy me. Szpilman is indeed lucky to be born in a relatiely wealthy Jewish family, have dozens of non-Jewish friends and have the opportunity to meet Capt. Wilm Hosenfeld before the war came to an end. A very-honest description of Poland in WW2, a modest Jew’s experiences fed by his survival instincts, and a courageous, yet brief and unhelpful salvation of a Jew by a member of the Jew-killing party.
5. The Sky is Crazy: Tales From A Trolley Dolly by Yvonne Lee
I might be influenced by my passion towards the airlnes to be able to like this book, but it’s breathtaking anyhow. From serving meals to discussing the mile high club (wikipedia this word), Yvonne never fails to amaze me, this time, with a wide selection of vocabs presented in a carnivorously funny way. At the end of the day, you’ll realise why First Class to London is 7 times more expensive than Economy Class, and how should a First Class passenger behave, even though you broke your bank for this ticket.
6. Girl With A Pearl Earring by Tracey Chevalier, HarperCollins
A reconstruct of 17th century Netherlands with painter Jan. Vermeer. Historically inaccurate. A milder, heterosexual version of Brokeback Mountain with the female (or girl with the pearl earring) confronting the blunt, work-crazy and submissive Jan. Vermeer. Might arouses boredom at some part, but the whole novel will construct itself at the end.
7. Nicholas by Goscinny and Sempe, Phaidon
(An excerpt): I wasn’t too pleased when Mum told me one of her friends was coming to tea and bringing her little girl. I don’t like girls. They’re soppy, they only play at dolls and going shopping, and they’re always crying. Well, I suppose I sometimes cry myself, but only for something serious like when the sitting room vase got broken and Dad told me off and it wasn’t fair because I didn’t do it on purpose and anyway it was an ugly vase and I know Dad doesn’t like me to play football in the house but it was raining outside. Reminds me of how children can be so children all the time, and I yearn to be like them as well. Imagine no responsibilities and you get to say "I’m running away from home and I’m never coming back if you’re not buying that iPod for me!" all the time, and not get slapped or punished afterwards.
I’d be more than pleased to lend you some of the forementioned books, just make sure you state when you’re returning your book and be punctual. I don’t want my book(s) to go missing for 8 months and on one fine day you shove everything back to me when I’m taking mini bus back home. And for God’s sake my books are still on Siang Loong’s car!

Postscript: Notice Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx was not included. Brokeback Mountain is a short story, and when published, it’s produced along with other short stories, which is, occasionally, unbearably boring due to the Wyoming slangs Annie tried to put in for the character’s dialogues. Nevertheless, Brokeback Mountain itself is a good read and it is as powerful as the movie itself.

Greetings,

I’ve heard so much about the iPods since a few years
back until recently I decided to get my own iPod Shuffle. Considering
my budget and practicality, I intended to buy the 1G model.
However, upon arrival at
AppleCentre at Gurney Plaza on
Monday (17 April 2006) afternoon, the two shopkeepers kept on promoting
the ‘better’ iPod Nano 1G model even though I’ve repeatedly insisted I
wanted the shuffle model. After several attempts of failed pursuasion,
they reluctantly tell me the shuffle 1G model is out of stock.

I paid some money for a deposit and a female shopkeeper promised me my shuffle will be arriving within this week.
Today
(19 April 2006) evening 5.59pm, however, much to my dismay, a rude
shopkeeper called up and told me my model will not be arriving for a
long long time to come. When I asked how long would that ‘long long’
period be, she just said it’s uncertain in a matter-of-fact way. I
reminded her of her collegue’s promise and asked whether my requested
model can be shipped from other branches or states as I need it badly.
I will be leaving this month.

While Apple products promise a good sense of security and warmth,
I don’t think I found any of them during my encounter with your staffs
this week.
I demand an explaination for my ‘long long to come’ iPod and if possible, sincerely hopes that
this issue can be settled within this week as promised.
Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
JYSim

—

Dear JY Sim,

Lesson from the story: never make empty promises, and fulfill your customer’s requests sincerely, not promoting anything ‘cooler’ or encouraging customers to upgrade to whatever heck that will make you more profit.
Come to think of it - there are only 3 iPod models with 6 variations. How can they ran out of stock? It’s not like booking a plane ticket or ordering Chocolate Torte. Even if they ran out of stock, how long would a shipment from US be? Certainly not ‘long long’ as mentioned. Personally I’m fed up because:
1. the shopkeeper and CEO repeatedly pursuaded me to buy thr Nano model even though I’ve insisted clearly what I wanted.
2. Bad customer service, shopkeeper and CEO alike.
3. Blunt respond to a very-fed-up customer’s request and complaints.
4. No problem solving skills displayed among shopkeeper and CEO alike, again.

Imagine this…
Mum came home from work, found you burying yourself in the couch watching ‘The Terminal’, so she felt jealous and announced that you will prepare dinner tonight. She wants dinner done in an hour.
You reluctantly got up and cursed 76 times, went into the kitchen to find that there were no beras. She have only RM100 in her wallet, so you pay RM13 for the 5kg rice (of course when you’re paying you won’t be so generous as to buy the best rice in the biggest pacakge in town).
You done dinner, within an hour. Not boasting but I’m very well-trained when it comes to preparing meals. But I’m not saying I like preparing meals, at least not preparing for people whom I don’t like or who broke promises (i.e. iPods). Unfortunately the maid is not back yet, she’s stuck in a jam with Dad. So to prevent Mum from lambasting you you scrubbed the kitchen from top to bottom, left to right, so immaculately clean until it might even pass inspection for nomination becoming the kitchen of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain. Then, your sister walks in, poured herself orange juice while dripping a puddle on the countertop, and left.
You went in for a shower. When you’re done Dad’s back and they started dinner without you. You grabbed yourself a bowl, open the lid of the rice cooker only to discover that the remaining rice won’t even fill up the conventional bowl we use for containing soup.
After scraping the walls of the rice cooker, you went to the table to discover that your place was taken by Mum.
That was what happened to me this evening. And if Mr. Khoo King Sen is reading this post, this is why I can’t go to your party on the 15th of April. I would very much like to go but somehow I managed to screw up Mum and Dad and these are the consequences.
For fellow acquaintences, this incident is actually a sequel to a series of events happened over a stretch of a few weeks. The plot as follows:
1. SPM release, Mum and Dad was relatively pleased. Mum said I can buy anything I want.
2. A few days later I said a pen-drive might do me good since I’ll be needing one in the U, and my current 256 is not working properly after it fell from my study table when i accidently knocked it over while wrestling a mosquito. I said a decent 1G will cost around 200.
3. Mum approved.
4. Good-good friend Soon Khen suggested an mp3 player, since you can listen to music as well as use it as a pen-drive. I agreed. And since I’m no cincai person, I decided to get a shuffle. Firstly for its simplicity, and secondly for it’s lightness and durability. I had had nightmarish experiences with lots of electrical appliances from China.
5. Tactical approach: Mum’ll pay 200 and I’ll pay the rest.
6. Purchase date decided - 12th April 2006.
7. My devil sister told Dad on 11th April 2006 evening. Dad started lamenting on how harsh life was for my Grandma and how they begged Grandpa to buy them a Scrabble set. Attempt failed.
8. 12th April 2006 - while driving Dad asked me to call my aunt. She didn’t answer the phone and so I returned him the phone. He was very absorbed in driving and so I left it on the handbrake compartment. Later he dropped Mum and I at Gurney, and drove off to find a parking space.
9. He called 5 minutes later, saying that I had lost his phone and so on. For everybody’s information I’ve been leaving handphones at the handbrake compartment since year 1996 when he got his first mobile whenever he asked me to answer or make a call. He can’t probably forget a 10-year tradition that day, provided he was kidnapped by Martians and had his memory modified in 5 minutes.
10. Mum told me off for being irresponsible. So after buying her cosmetics we left, with Dad ‘recovering’ his phone later. No iPod.
I will never become such adults.

Setelah mengikuti program ini saya berasa lebih yakin dan berazam dalam mengejar cita-cita saya sebagai seorang doktor. Berikut adalah sebab dan penjelasannya:
1. Saya menyukai sifat pekerjaan doktor yang berorientasikan manusia. Dugaan saya terhadap cara doktor berkomunikasi, bergaul dan memesrai pesakitnya amat dekat dengan realiti sebenar yang diperhatikan ketika mengikuti program ini. Oleh itu, program ini telah menambah keyakinan saya untuk menjadi seorang doktor yang mesra pesakit.
2. Doktor perlu menggunakan ilmu mereka secara dinamik dan inovatif. Ketika lawatan ke A&E, saya kagum melihat ketenangan staf hospital dan bagaimana mereka menstabilkan keadaan pesakit berkat ilmu, pengetahuan dan keadaan semasa. Betapa menarik sekiranya saya diberi peluang bekerja sebegitu.
3. Saya amat kagum melihat semangat berpasukan dan kerjasama sesama staf hospital sewaktu lawatan saya. Saya inginkan persekitaran pekerjaan sebegini sesungguhnya ia dapat membina jati diri, sifat toleransi serta meningkatkan professionalisme kita.
4. Wujud keinginan dan tanggungjawab mengubati serta melegakan pesakit dalam hospital. Diperhatikan bahawa pesakit yang datang ke hospital adalah lemah, tidak bermaya dan tidak bersemangat. Pada pendapat saya kerjaya kedoktoran adalah cara yang paling baik untuk membantu golongan yang kurang bernasib baik tersebut sesungguhnya satu senyuman atau pil ubat mampu melegakan pesakit.
Akhir kata, saya ingin mengucapkan terima kasih kepada pihak JPA dan Hospital Pulau Pinang atas program yang menarik ini serta layanan mesra mereka sepanjang program ini dijalankan.

Sue me for lying, but that’s the most frank and honest self-evaluation I can manage.

Copyright JYSim 2006.

So, after your JPA interview do you…
- forget everything you read recently in the newspapers?
- forget Rukun Negara which you’ve so laboriously memorised since last week?
- forget to always end your speech with ‘thank you’?
- forget how to self-introduce yourself in Malay?
- forget what is the major focus of the government in our 9MP?
- continue to be impunctual, rude on the roads etc?
- don’t pay your bills, income tax, or JPA loans?
- forget we have 2 government tv channles, previously tv1 and tv2, now rtm1 and rtm2?
- return speaking Manglish with -lah, -mah etc ending every sentence?
- continue to be courteous when speaking to other people? Or try to dominate the conversation everytime?
Enough of the things you’ve forgotten. What I’m trying to say is that sometimes, Malaysians can be a little pathetic when it comes to preparing for interviews and meeting top officials (not that JPA interviewers are respected people).
Awareness of current issues is something each and every Malaysian should have. Malaysian students tend to become current issues professionals before interviews but after the interview they’ll forget who’s our prime minister. Not that bad perhaps, but who’s our former first lady? Why she passed away and where? If you can’t answer this, you might as well jump into a well.
And as Malaysians, you should at least be able to introduce yourself in Malay. Those who scored A1 for BM in fact should be made to present an impromptu speech in Malay. You can write bombastic and groundbreaking words in your essay and boast you wrote 5 pages on ‘cara-cara menangani jenayah’ but when it comes to self-introduction you stumble. It is your responsible to master your national language. During my interview yesterday several students memorised their self-introduction speech and the results are disastrous. Trust me, though JPA officers may be only lepasan SPM with no extra training, they’ll still be able to spot who whipped up their speech and who speak fluently and confidently. Not that I spoke perfect, but compared to the guy who said ’selamat pagi’ when it’s 3pm and ‘terima kasih kepada JPA kerana menjemput saya datang’, i think i flared.
No requests for speaking perfect English, but if compared to fellow Italians, we have much more exposure to English from movies, novels, and daily conversations. You should at least be able to express yourself in decent English, if not a little Malaysian-English. Mind you, my Italian classmates can speak and write good enough English to win themselves to a fully-paid trip to Germany. So there are no excuses why you can’t outdo them. And they have no Erican or British Council there.
Courtesy in speech is another thing common Malaysians neglect, not that I’m extraordinarily courteous when speaking. But saying ‘I’m afraid I don’t have the CD,’ rather than ‘No CD lah!’ sounds nicer. One way to make speeches nicer - observe how air stewardesses serve and speak the next time you take a flight.
Be a Malaysian and be yourself, not now, not in the future but all the time!

Dear Sir,

Bus Revamp on Penang Island
First of all let me congratulate the Penang Municipal Council and Penang State Government on the innitiative move to revamp the bus route system on Penang Island. Finally Penang will have a proper and well-organised bus transit system.
2. However, I wish to draw your attention to several drawbacks and flaws in the planning and implementing of this system. Firstly please note that Penang has still lots of illiterate old folks living in and around the heart of town. These people are not from well-to-do families and generally they don’t own cars. Naturally, they depend on public transport whenever they need to travel, be it to work, to go marketing or to pay their income tax in KOMTAR. Some rely on these buses for over 30 years and they can as well lament which bus is for which route by heart. A sudden change, announced and implemented in a time frame not more than a week, with bad publicity, naturally upsets the maps in these people. The fact that they’re illiterate adds to their frustration, not to mention a steep raise in bus fares.
3. Secondly, the fact that the new bus revamp is done within one week fascinates me. It proves that the government is now really ‘cepat’, but not neccessarily ‘tepat’ and ‘mesra’. Buses need to pass the puspakom test as a pre-requisite to run on the roads. However, how many buses have actually taken the test till now? How many others are on ‘provisional’ running and pending for further tests? Bus drivers, among others, live a hard life with long working hours. Giving them 5 days to get their vehicles pass a test may not sound like a burden to government officials who can still come out for hi-tea 4 times a week, but the 4-hours used for the test will be a great loss for drivers. The biggest flaw is not allowing enough time for these tests and still persevere in implementing the revamp on time. Ultimately it’s the people who suffers, not the top officials.
4. While some new routes are introduced in this revamp, people are not well informed. Instead, those old routes buses are re-routed, causing huge agony among USM students who now have only the 3-3 buses. Worse, ALL 3-3 buses are fully packed and looked more appaling than those ships used for transporting African slavesto America during the 18th century. We do not have to remind the government that there are a lot of students and residents living around the USM area. And unlike your children who have their own cars, these people rely very much on public transport. Failure in planning a good system will eventually agonise these students and you don’t want to see a Paris student demonstration happening here.
5. While our national carrier MAS needs 6 months to implement its route rationalisation plan, I’m of course amazed by how the Penang Government manage to do it in 6 days. 6 days to inform 1 million Penangnites, not through television, not through posters until the last 2 days, and not through postbox-to-postbox info or talks and kempen. Frankly, we would rather want PORR to be completed later than to get lost around the island and paying RM5 and waiting 4 hours for a sardine-packed bus.
6. Let us tell you what you can do in the meantime, tomorrow, wake up at 6.45, not a minute late, and take a bus to your office. I bet you’ll reach there only by 10 (not if you take a taxi or sapu-chiar (illegal taxi)), sweating profusely and cursing the driver for nearly scrape off your neck when cornering. You might as well bring an iPod and watch ‘I Not Stupid Too’ on the way. Be assured you’ll be able to finish the movie on the way.
7. I’m so glad I live in a family with 2 cars, or else the next time I have to go to KOMTAR to pay by IndahWater bills, I have to wake up at 5 am.

Thank you for reading this letter. May it be so inspiring you’ll look into your bus route revamp seriously.

Penangnite all my life,
JYSim