JYSim for jobless-yokel Sim

Judging things according to the ‘Malaysian’ Standard. Suggestion to foreigners (non-Malaysians), read before touchdown in KLIA.
1. Malaysian punctuality - If Soon Khen says he’ll pick you up at 11, you can literally wake up at 12, take a 30-minute bath and still have time for self-grooming and watch a movie before he comes. If Seong Ling says he’ll come at 8.15, you can still start your 8-course dinner at 8.00pm sharp in Sungai Petani, come back at 10 and get prepared. Take it easy-lah, brudder!
2. Malaysian ten-zua-ism - "Aiyah, you know what hah, I got 13 A1s kan? So I claim money from Southern Bank, Alliance Bank, Hong Leong Bank and yadda-yadda, all in all I got RM1200 leh! Smart hoh?" (recorded live from CLHS 13A1 scorer) "Wow, so how? Belanja-lah!" "Aiyah, cannot-lah, my account…frozen leh heheh."
3. Malaysian government - "I can assure the rakyat that price of petrol won’t be raised again…i mean, should not be raised-lah…aiyah, little bit only mah, what difference does it make?" "Prices of daily goods will be controlled during this festive season, well, appearantly, sugar, salt, flour, rice, noodles, chicken, beef, fish-balls, and teh-tarik are not daily goods."
4. Malaysian education - "The more aces the merrier, you can even consider taking up mengasuh bayi, bahasa perancis, lukisan kejuruteraan, muzik, lukisan, perkebunan, membaiki televisyen, membaiki peti sejuk, membuat perabot. As long as you get more aces than everybody, you’ll be a top scorer, regardless of whether you’re smart or not."
5. Malaysian working etiquette - "Encik ar, ini spelling salah lah, Sdn. Bhd. kena tulis full, jangan guna pendek punya. Ambil borang baru tulis semula, besok datang lagi." "Puan, sekarang pukul berapa dah ni? 3.30 dah tahu? Saya kena pick-up anak saya dari sekolah, dia sesi petang (appearantly this gov. servant doesn’t have a child). Telefon lagi besok!"
6. Malaysian top scorer - "I study everyday. I listen to the teacher wheh she teaches in class. I do group studies. I don’t have a handphone. I don’t go to the cinema. I read a lot reference books. I go tuition, but it’s just for reinforcement of knowledge. Aiyah, basically I study lah, no secrets one lah!"
7. Malaysian (actual) working hours - For all states except Kedah, Kelantan and Terengganu: Mon to Fri, 10.30 to 12, 2 to 3.30. Note: Limited customers served per day, so make sure you got every document you need and start lining up at 5 in the morning, especially Immigration office. For Kedah, Kelantan and Terengganu: Sun to Thurs, same time as above, same note as above.
8. Malaysian driving licence - Introducing the new revolutionary instant licence - pay RM2000 and get your licence complete with your name and photo rightaway. We don’t care whether you know how to drive or whether you have a car, just pay and off you go. By the way, when you get caught, don’t tell people you got your licence here hah, we kena tahu?
9. Malaysian English - for example(s) please refer all the above.
10. Malaysian public transport - From Sungai Dua to Pulau Tikus (by bus): Take the stuffy, noisy, filthy mini-bus 88 to KOMTAR, change at Prangin Mall (hang-over of 30 to 45 minutes) for Hin Bus. No specific number, just ask (or request) the driver to drop you anywhere you like, even if it’s in the middle of a flyover. Total time: 1+ hour. (by car) Go Greenlane, exit Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman, 15 minutes.
11. Malaysian express bus - "Ok, semua turun, bus driver tak datang hari ini. Tukar lain bus, atau datang lagi 12 jam kemudian." "Aiyah, air-con rosak lah, tahan sekejap boleh, 8 jam lagi sampai dah."

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